Where Are We Now: Six Months In

          Greetings on this lovely Thanksgiving night! Hope your day has been full of delicious food surrounded by loving family members threatening you over who gets the last piece of pie! Folks in the South are serious about their pie, and sweet tea.  Roll Tide.

          I felt compelled to catch up on my blog tonight- it was either do this or face the Black Friday crowds ready to receive a holiday greeting to the face battling over a waffle maker- you can see which path I chose to take. So much has happened in the last six months which allows me to give ample amounts of thanks on this day! First, lets begin with my job!

          Over the course of the last six months or so I have gained much knowledge regarding Emergency Nursing! I am far from where I would like to be knowledge and education wise, but wow, I literally learn something new EVERYDAY! I am so blessed to work with the people I am surrounded by. From the techs to the MDs, everyone has been nice and always willing to lend a hand or explain something; for these things make me proud to say I work at UAB. The term "team" is truly exemplified in my department. I have never seen a group of employees so willing to help their fellow coworkers. I finally finished orientation in September and I am grateful for the many teachers I had. I've learned that perfecting skills and mastering the art of charting comes in time, but wow, one must be willing to be humble, patient and learn, learn, learn as much as you can! It has been so enlightening over these past few months to sit and discuss treatment plans and the "hows" and "whys" of certain things we do with experienced nurses; they have much to share! I hope to one day be someone a young nurse looks to for advice.

          I am proud to say that within the last couple of months of being off orientation I have gained a new formed thought process that "plans ahead" if you will. I find myself planning ahead for certain orders that may be given and preparing myself. I am always happy to see myself ahead of the game when it comes to my patient's care plan. Little things like this help boost any new nurse's confidence. Recently I experienced my first night in Trauma since being off orientation. IT WAS GREAT. I worked along side a great co-worker which made the experience even better. Sometimes stepping back and realizing how far I've come is slightly amazing and HUMBLING to me and makes me grateful for everything I've gone through in life which has brought me to where I am today. Times like this I know my mother would be proud. Since becoming a nurse my mother has been heavy on my heart. Following in her footsteps was much more difficult than I imagined, but her strong-willed personality and determination runs deep within me. Carrying on her legacy is an honor.

         Outside of work I have found that sleep is amazing! Working night-shift truly takes a toll on one's body, social life and relationships! It has been the hardest transition yet since nursing school. I find myself eating "dinner" at 2AM while at work when the rest of the world is fast asleep or sitting in our ER. I will admit, self control from snaking on junk is TOUGH, especially early in the morning when you're craving chocolate for an energy burst. However, I've recently started staying awake as long as I can during my off-days to correct my sleep cycle. I have yet to determine if that causes more exhaustion. I want to join a gym soon; seeing so many sick patients is a daily reminder to stay fit, eat healthy and have health insurance if possible. I've recently taken up an obsession with crafting! PINTEREST IS ADDICTING. I will admit though, I have saved so much money on decor by making my own after being glued to Pinterest for three hours straight. I've discovered on my off days I desire to be outdoors. Taking my sweet chocolate lab, Dixie, for walks is so relaxing. Also, being able to see my nieces without worrying about studying for a test is nice as well. Since graduation, life has become so much sweeter!
 

Dixie checking out the new craft with Christmas lights!

Walks with the pup are the best!

              So, I'm looking to the future! I have many goals to achieve and the first.....paying back COLLEGE LOANS. Dear Lord. Loans suck, but having a career is nice so I will just stop complaining. I want a new car, need a new phone, but after being out in the real world I have discovered that many so called "needs" are in fact wants. Being in debt from school loans isn't great, but being able to pay bills, put gas in my car to go to my dream job and put food in my belly seems pretty great to me so far. I'm learning to be more thankful for the little, yet practical things in life. I want to do something crazy as well, GO BACK TO SCHOOL....who does that?! I have known for some time now that going back to school is what is best for me. Learning is wonderful, advancing a career is great and doing what you love is amazing. Being a CRNP would be an amazing goal to reach and something to be proud of. I am looking to start back school within the next two years. Also, I believe having the skills as an RN needs to be stretched. I am looking to volunteer for the ARC and hopefully work at a clinic for under served communities as well. Dreams, dreams, dreams, they are beautiful.

         

Birthdays are precious. Grateful for these babies!

            Also, one individual I've been grateful for is my sweet guy, Tucker. He truly has brought me back to my Southern roots. A girl who lost her country vive many years ago has been reconnected, sort of. Though I do not wear camo or record Duck Dynasty I will occasionally drop a few lines of a Garth Brooks classic or choose sweet tea over water. Surprisingly enough, I've even dragged myself out of bed at 5AM to go on early morning fishing adventures with him. I feel no need to impress, but he recognizes the little things. He is a strong worker, at work and at home. He builds things and can fix pretty much anything. I love his ability to improvise and "just make things work". His willingness to help and carry his share of the load is recognized. He loves sweets and that is music to my soul! I also am thankful that he loves me for me and I can be nothing more than just myself when I'm with him. I love his willingness to try new things and not be afraid to speak his mind. He is a daily example and reminder to me to stay true to thine own self. I guess I'm simply thankful for Tucker bringing me back to me.

Yay for freezing cold fishing adventures!

                                                                                   

Tucker with my youngest niece, Emma Kate

           Well, making all things full-circle, I guess I have many things to be thankful for. Even in stressful times I should see the beauty in what has been given to me. God Bless!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thanksgiving 2013! Love my people.

 

 

My family. :)

"Knowledge that will change your world." -UAB

   It's been some time since my last blog and much has changed. Life has been a roller coaster, so full of unexpected emotions: joy, sadness, contentment and hope. After returning to school in January I was care-free. I had accomplished a passing status from the hardest semester prior to my holiday break. I had pushed myself to the breaking point and I somehow survived exams, NOTHING could bring me down. My LAST semester of nursing school and college all together was going to be a breeze. Yes, I still had projects due and a couple of simple tests here and there, but nothing like the former semesters. This semester was a transitional period from student to professional nurse. I enjoyed the freedom it gave me and the stress-free environment I finally found myself within. I wasn't worried about clinicals or cramming for tests, it was truly all downhill from there! The days passed quickly and I was preparing for the big move home for my preceptorship at UAB! I had waited so long for this. I remembered at a much younger age that I had dreamed of working at such an institution that could offer so much for its patients; I couldn't get home soon enough. I packed for days; I truly had no idea of the amount of crap I possessed; it was definitely annoying having to shove things I had never used into garbage bags because I had run out of my travel bags!
        
         Finally, moving day had arrived and I was homeward bound! It was hard leaving my nursing family behind for the next couple of months, but I knew good things were to come! I was excited for this experience, yet so NERVOUS! I had no idea of what was ahead of me. My first week on my designated unit was difficult. From adjusting my sleep cycle for night shift to learning how to put all my knowledge into practice was definitely stressful. The weeks few by and I could see myself growing more confident! I loved working only three to four days a week and having loads of free time to see friends, finish schoolwork and SLEEP! I loved this new chapter in my life. During all of this, I had a job interview lined up! I had applied for an opening in UAB's ER. I thrived off of the thought of a fast-pace environment and I knew that was where I was suppose to be! My interview went well and I waited; I waited over a week and finally heard a response on April 1st! I GOT MY DREAM JOB! I was in amazement of how things were lining up! Preceptorship was finally coming to an end and I could honestly say I learned much more than I had expected. I truly believe the autonomous atmosphere of night-shift prepared me for the job I have now. 

My preceptor and I at UAB. 

         Moving back to Montgomery was not easy; I had loved being home, it just felt right, but I knew my last month at school would fly by. I presented my final projects, took my last tests and realized the light at the end of the tunnel was now reached. During the afternoons I had ample amounts of free time so I ran. I ran to reflect on what the last five years of college had molded me into. I thought of what my life would have been like if I had stayed at Bama and continued my Pre-Med route or if I had gotten into Auburn from the beginning. So many emotions filled me as I ran those countless evenings. I finally came to the realization that I was where I was suppose to be, that all the chapters opened and closed during college were for a reason and I might not ever know why I experienced them to begin with. I simply had one thing to look to and that was my future outside of Montgomery. 

My nursing family at our Pinning Ceremony the night before graduation!

         Graduation day had FINALLY arrived! Five long years later and I was walking across the stage an accomplished young woman with a promising career ahead of me. Some of the most important people in my life were present that day and I finally felt my life beginning. It was all surreal. I looked to my nursing family and I could only smile, we had finally made it. Through all the ups and downs, the endless emotions and struggles, we had finally proved ourselves to the world around us. I would say we were all in a state of euphoria at that day. I think of those loved ones who were unable to be present and I know they would have been proud; I believed I represented the family well and upheld the strong, independent nature of the women in my family. I remained in Montgomery that night to congregate with some of my classmates for one of our last hoorahs; it was bittersweet for sure. The following day had arrived too soon and my last move home was now here. I packed my remaining things, said some of the hardest goodbye's and headed North. I had finally closed another chapter in my life. I was sad, yet happy of what was to come. Life was changing quickly and I was simply along for the ride!

Tucker and I.

One of my biggest supporters! 

                          

My Montgomery family.
    


Pops and my bro!

       Now, almost two months post-graduation I am a licensed nurse at UAB currently going through my twelve week orientation in the ER. I studied for about two weeks straight for my boards exam which I thought I FAILED. I can honestly say now that I've NEVER taken such an examination in which I thought I knew nothing. NCLEX was insane. I was preparing myself to not see name on the Board's website. The next morning the Heaven's opened, I PASSED! All my five years of hard work had paid off. I laid in bed in slight shock, I couldn't believe it was all over. I celebrated with lunch and shopping for scrubs with a great friend. The following Monday I started orientation. Hello, real world!

From classmates to co-workers! 

              I take my work days day-by-day with patience and eagerness to learn. There is so much to know and I'm grateful for the helpful staff I work with. For my now active social life since before nursing school, I have spent many hours catching up with friends, making new ones and creating memories to happily look back on. I also have a new love in my life and I look forward to the many days ahead for the both of us!

The End Is Near!

      Merry Christmas, all! I randomly stumbled upon my old blog and re-read some of my older posts. It is SO FUNNY to look back and realize that I honestly had no idea the life I was going to live out while in nursing school. I can proudly say that I made it through some of the toughest curriculum I have ever faced in my life. I, along with my classmates and now friends, have dealt with our fair share of stress and laughter throughout these last four semesters. However, I believe I can speak for most of us and say this last semester was pretty much HELL. I continuously described it as the "gatekeeper" class before going onto preceptorship this coming Spring and I still say that to this day. Now, to shortly re-cap nursing school!

*ADVICE: Don't go to nursing school if you are not ready to fully, if not 90%, devote yourself to it, end of story.

First nursing picture. What a BABY!

      Alright, first semester was truly the transitional stage. I practically had to adjust my way of thinking, literally. Nursing school teaches facts and assessment, you have to learn how to critically think yourself, which sucks. I still remember my first day of clinicals and my sweet partner and dear friend, Caitlin. We spent hours in our patient's room doing what we can do now in 10 mins tops! HAHA! We have grown so much. Our patient was super great though, I couldn't have asked for a better one to start off my clinical experiences. I had an awesome clinical group as well, we all got along very well. The actual class' themselves weren't too bad, but as I look back each semester had one "hard" class. I would say, hands down, Assessments was the toughest class my first semester. It involved a great deal of critical thinking and application which gets a lot people in trouble because we are all so conditioned to simple memorization and regurgitation of the information.

First clinical group! Seriously hated those white uniforms.

 My other two classes were Patho and Concepts which basically taught one to "have a heart" for patients. I enjoyed both classes and they have carried me far. Another awesome fact about first semester is that you are subjected to "lab". Yes, lab, where we basically were taught all our skills. Lab scared me worse than taking actual tests, simply because each week we were given a timed calculations quiz. If anyone knows me then you know I HATE math. Needless to say, I passed, but I stressed. Along the lines of calculation quizzes we were introduced to "calculations tests" and "ATI", both sucked. Basically, you have to pass the calculations test with a 100% in order to start clinicals and you are only given X amount of times to take it. ATI, dear Lord........I hated that, too. Each semester we have to take a final ATI exam based off the classes we took and with the program being so difficult mostly all of us fail. We basically walk into those tests every semester knowing if we get above a 60% we did something right. As you can see, first semester was all about trying to stay afloat, balancing personal life and school and simply passing in the end. It helped a lot to gain the friendships I did then. I joined a study group which really helped when it came to needing support and understanding of the literal hell we were all going through. I loved my new friends and were truly grateful for them. I owe them everything.

The crew. LOVE these people!

     Second semester came quickly and I was starting fresh. I had made it to my second semester of nursing school and I was looking towards the future with hope. My class began to form closer bonds and stronger friendships were being made. Now, our class had advanced from the 1st floor to the 3rd. For some odd reason I felt this to be of some achievement, but soon after realizing how terrible the chairs were I wished for the 1st floor once more! This particular semester I was set to take Acute, Pharm and EBP(basically a research class). I was READY! As the semester progressed we took our usual calculations exam(BLAH) and adventured back into the hospitals for more clinicals. Once again I had a GREAT clinical group with an awesome instructor. This semester pushed for much more knowledge pertaining to drugs, administration and of course, autonomy. *FACT: working IV Pumps is scary when you first start, just saying. Also, another random fact: entering a patient's room for the first time on the shift is a little intimidating; first impressions are HUGE. As for the actual classes, Acute(Med-Surg) was this semester's tough course. It was basically an accumulation of issues and disorders across the lifespan. Pharm was interesting, but having a friend who understands it a lot better than you do is pretty helpful, too. EBP was cool if you like writing papers and doing research...overall, I passed. BOOM. At the end of the semester the senior graduating class presented their preceptorship presentations and how inspiring it was to sit and listen to those that were once in my place. I knew if they could do it, so could I .

One of our many end-of-the-semester dinners!

      SUMMER!!! Not really. AUM actually goes year-round, which I like. The thought of getting something done sooner is just more appealing. The summer went by SUPER FAST! This semester was focused on OB and Community Health. OH MY GOD THIS SEMESTER WAS STRESSFUL. No, it had NOTHING to do with the material or tests, but EVERYTHING to do with BUSY WORK. I am not a fan of busy work, I see no point in it; however, for one of my classes it was found necessary. I wanted to pull my hair out at times, yes, but I pressed onward. Clincals were VERY INTERESTING for OB and by interesting I mean I saw two live births. Yeah, its not for everyone, myself included. At this point I had had three semester's worth of clinicals and none of which interested me. I was seriously getting worried at this point.

Birthdays are the best. :)

I LOVED OB though, but I honestly believe it was the teacher, she was amazing. Very knowledgeable woman! Community on the other hand did not appeal much to me at all. I was actually really sick for about a week or so and missed three clinical days, two of which I really wanted to go, oh well. The thought of Community Health and reaching out to those in need and/or living on the streets in need of medical care really interests me, but unfortunately I didn't get much of that style of outreach. The one thing I hated about this semester were all the group projects we had! You could have been in up to four different groups doing polar opposite topics, so on and so on. IT WAS RIDICULOUS. I believe the main complaint was just that. Overall, I passed once again and a nice two week break stood between me and my last semester of nursing school before preceptorship!

     Fall was here and I was so ready! I felt good, but I was knew it was going to be a SERIOUS CHALLENGE! Our whole class had heard how difficult this class was and that it took serious critical thinking skills and application. We were advised to even get an NCLEX book to study to prepare for tests. This class was Acute's big brother called, CHRONIC...the thought of it still makes me want to get in the fetal position. So much hard work, drive and determination went into this class. *Random Fact: I cried for the first time in nursing school over this class. It was only for about a minute due to utter exhaustion towards the end of the semester, but hell, I got mad and did something about it, I studied! My only other class for the semester was Leadership. My teacher was AMAZING!! I LOVE HER.

Fourth semester: Professionalism Day. We look so...professional.

She is so real and so easy to talk to! She truly inspires me to continue my education. Clinicals were more in depth and interesting. I had a few critical care clincials in which I worked in ICU's and I must say, it was pretty neat. I felt all my skills coming together and assessments becoming more advanced. I was fully understanding the relation between labs and the patient's diagnosis and/or status. I was actually beginning to love nursing school. However, all this began to slow as tests were being taken and grades were being delivered. This class was becoming quite a SHOCK to us all. The main issue I felt was that we as a whole would study, study, study and for most of us it would not reflect in our test scores. This was something new to most of us. The uneasiness we all felt after tests was simply vomit worthy. I will honestly say that I have never felt such stress in my life. I was backed into a corner for our fourth and last test before our CUMULATIVE FINAL and I had to do well. I studied four weeks for a test that the majority of the class failed. I am still bitter. We were given only a WEEK to study for our final. We had issues about that along with others and unfortunately nothing was done. Exactly one week later and experiencing shakes, irregular heart beats and malnourishment due to the inability to eat real food I took that damn final. I honestly felt good about it afterwards. That night I received my grade knowing good and well some of my fellow classmates had not passed. It was so hard to look at my grade, but it had to be done. Knowing for the first time ever that I had to make a certain grade in order to pass I saw a better grade than what I originally needed. I cried. I cried from pure joy and utter exhaustion. I had pushed myself so hard that even the thought of eating was taking away time from studying. I pray to God I never have to do that again.

The night we found out we passed fourth semester!

     Here I am now, enjoying a stress-free Christmas. I look joyfully ahead towards this next semester and I hope for the best. I hope to work with a GREAT nurse, one that is patient and willing to teach me not only skills, but also show me by example what a nurse is suppose to represent. I am nervous, yes, but I believe that reminds me to stay humble and willing to learn. I am unsure of what the future holds, but I do know I will be preceptoring at UAB in downtown Birmingham. I am truly grateful for this opportunity and I am excited to be apart of such an institution!

       Now, onto the short, yet awesome, behind the scenes of nursing school! It is SO IMPORTANT to keep a social life during this time. They say to take time for yourself and friends and goodness it so true. I have gained such amazing friendships during nursing school! I have had the joy of becoming close to quite a few people and partaking in dinner parties, game nights, slumbers, end-of-the-semester parties, movie nights, experiencing Montgomery's night life, baseball games downtown, intramurals, and so much more! I've even been blessed enough to have met someone is school that has truly changed my life forever. We have been together for almost eleven months now and it has been a blast! We share our nursing school experiences together and so much more; he is simply God-sent. I look back at how our relationship started and it is all so funny. Something I never saw happening did in fact happen and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. Jake is one amazing guy.

We got SO MUCH free Chick-fil-la!

DINNER AND GAME NIGHTS!

New man. Hiking in Birmingham.

Intramurals! I had a blast getting back to my old volleyball roots!

Surprise beach trip from the boo. Sunburns suck!

       All in all, I think I can say nursing school has changed me for the better and I am taking away a lot more than what I ever imagined doing so. Roll Tide and go Warhawks!
    

Nursing School: Week One- CHECK!

           Greetings from Montgomery! Today marks the last day of my first week of nursing school at Auburn University of Montgomery. I bet you all are wondering how it went; well let me just tell you, it was OVERWHELMING. During the last three years of college I rarely remember being overwhelmed; stressed of course, but never did I feel like I was being sucked into an undertow without a life-jacket. This week was for sure humbling.
           Every Monday and Tuesday I am in class from 9AM-12PM, then 1PM to 3PM. On Thursdays I am in lab from 8AM-3PM. It does not seem like a lot of time is spent on school, but oh how that is far from the truth. After gathering all my assignments, assigned readings, test dates, validation schedules and clinical dates I FINALLY produced a master calender....it is so depressing! As of right now, I have yet to accomplish everything, reading wise, from this week.
           Today I had to sit through a professionalism conference from 9AM-12PM, those times are really getting to me, and was reversed on how to conduct myself in and out of school. A fashion show followed regarding how and how not to wear our uniforms and alternate wear. It was interesting. As I watched the Seniors perform I thought of how I could have been in their place. I am a Junior nursing student, but technically a Senior in college. So yes, I will be a fifth-year Senior, but wow, how I have learned SO MUCH these past three years.
            I do not know what to expect over the next five semesters; however, I do know it will fly by. As of right now I look at my planner and CRINGE I tell you! Can someone please come and do all my readings for me and then someone transfer that information into my brain, if so, I pay good. Another useless fact, this week I had my first pop quiz, I failed. Yes, Emily Gill failed a test. In nursing school, the lowest passing grade one can receive is a 73, so technically I failed with a 68%. Anyways, I have moved on. I understood my mistakes and that I was not prepared for that particular information.
          OH YEAH! I was assigned my lab partner and my clinical site! My lab partner could not be any cooler! She is so funny and I believe we will get along great this semester! Ironically, her name is also Emily, WHOOP! My clinical site is awesome; it is literally 3 minutes from my residence! However, I always told myself, "I don't want to work with babies, nor do I want to work with prego women or their crazy hormones." Well, what goes around comes around I say, my clinical site is on a women's services floor at a local hosiptal specicalizing in Labor and Delivery....yep. Funny how things workout like that, huh?
           Well, like any other challenge in my life I am going to approach this just the same, or maybe differently; I wont know until after I take all my first tests, then I might need some readjusting! I will try and keep this 'ole blog of mine updated as much as possible, but who knows, my next post might be graduation day. :)
           Random fact: AUM changed their mascot to something understandable, THE WARHAWKS! So, go Warhawks and Roll Tide Roll!!

           

205 to 334!

              Hello! I come to you all with great peace and assurance! As of late May, Montgomery- better known as "the Gump"- became my new home for the next two years! I was stuck between starting classes at AUM this summer and still waiting to hear back from UAB for the Fall. I was in one of my nursing classes at AUM when I received a phone call from UAB. After listening to the message, I realized it was someone from the nursing admissions office. I had been in school at AUM for a little over two weeks and I had already fallen in love. It is crazy how God puts everything together so beautifully! I loved how close I was to school, I loved my living arrangments, I loved not having to walk a mile to get to class...I just loved EVERYTHING! I contemplated returning the phone call, but after serious consideration, I did not. Still to this day I am not sure what the reasoning was behind the missed call. What if I could have gotten in, but the school needed something more? What did they want, to tell me to come in for a special meeting? Who knows. I weighed the pros and cons and I must say, I believe I made an excellent choice. Yes, I do miss my sweet city of Birmingham, and the wonderful people I left behind, but I needed this change.
          I am truly excited about these next couple of years and the people I am going to become good friends with. I know much growth will take place as well. As for right now, I stay very busy! I am writing papers in my sleep, reviewing articles every other day, reading masses of material and doing tons of medical calculations. As crazy as it seems, I love it all. I am finally beginning to feel more knowledgeable  and confident about myself being able to stand the pressure of nursing school.
          However, I still think back and laugh at the fact that I applied to the Auburn school system so many years ago and ended up at Alabama. It's so crazy how everything works out in the end. I never pictured myself here in Montgomery. Honestly, I never knew AUM existed until it was suggested to me over a year ago. I am so grateful to have been accepted though. I love my nursing class so far, everyone seems to be able to offer something different to the learning experience. As of right now, I wait. I wait until Fall begins and the real test sets in. Pray with me as I begin this new, strenuous journey. Roll Tide and Go Senators!!

Ready, Set........Wait.

           Tonight marks the last night in my sweet Birmingham as a permanent resident. After twenty years, I must move onto bigger adventures, adventures that I am not willing to accept. As of right now I have yet to hear back from UAB, which has forced me to accept AUM's invitation and to begin this summer to secure my spot this Fall. Lots of other factors are involved with this but it is just confusing so I will just end at that. As I look around my room I see boxes, packed bags and random items that have yet to be packed. I do not have a willing heart to make this move.
           I LOVE MY CITY. I LOVE MY CHURCH. I LOVE MY CHURCH FAMILY. I LOVED MY JOB. I LOVE MY FAMILY. I LOVE MY FRIENDS. I loved my life up until last Friday when I had to quit the best job I ever had. I met so many people at my work and I am heart-broken knowing I probably won't see many of them nor the kids anymore! I am desperately trying to see the good in this move but I only see the bad. However, AUM, hands down, has some of the NICEST staff members I have ever come in-contact with! Also, I would be close to Jamie's family, which is awesome since I never got to see them much anyways! I would meet new people that obviously have the same goals as I do so that would be nice, too!
            However, today at Christ City Church, at our new location in Southside/Birmingham, I was walking out of church with a good friend of mine and we were confronted by a homeless man. Funny, but I was not scared, I had an open heart to this man. I loved the man for his desire to reach out to strangers for spare change for hygiene products and something to drink. His name was Cedric and I believe God used me through our few minutes together to share His love. I hope Cedric is at CCC next week, I want to worship with him, I want to worship with a congregation that will reflect what worship will be like in Heaven. Today, that specific event made me want Birmingham more than ever. Like I said, I love our city.
           As of now, I wait on God's answer. I wait to hear from God and what He wants for my future. He knows the desire of my heart and I hope He grants it. Please, fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, pray for me during this next week, it is a crucial time for me. Amen.

Only In My Memory

      A day I was thankful for is now the day I hold dear to my heart. Since the devastation in Tuscaloosa I have wished that I was not at work but there, experiencing it all with my fellow classmates and community to then be able to help with the aftermath. The images of my poor college town break my heart. I wish I understood God's reasoning but right now, I am just thankful I am alive. I am burdened with the fact that what is left lies amongst the rubble of what is not. I see images of destroyed neighborhoods that I drove through everyday to get to campus and it sets in a mild form of depression that I can not explain. The town I remember only lives in my memory. I wish I could relax and know my friends are okay but I can't. The death toll rises and I have yet to hear from some. I have been stuck at home for days, without power, trying to find things to do to get my mind off of what has happened. Yesterday, I became so desperate that I actually washed my clothes by hand in a huge tupperware container just to find some comfort in keeping busy. I also washed mine and my dad's cars, it took forever after I decided to scrub the carpets as well. With the complete silence in my home I have had enough time to just listen. Through the noise of my neighbor's generators I have found comfort in my standing home and the clean water running from the sinks and showers. I have found comfort in God's plan for my life and His grace to keep me safe. During these past few days I have had a lot of time to think about the recent events and the death brought about. I must say, my driving passion for the medical field has never been so strong. I have felt so useless that washing my own clothes made me feel like I was actually doing some good. I wish I could do more for my community.

            Through this trying time, not only was one huge community destroyed but another as well. A town just minutes North from my home was ravaged. To those in the Pleasant Grove community, my heart goes out to you. I wish I could honestly reverse what has happened. To those who have lost a loved one, my prayers are for you all tonight. My deepest sympathy.

You're the God of this City
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You're the Light in this darkness
You're the Hope to the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless
There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God
 For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City

Pull of Two Cities

        Awesome news, everyone, I have been accepted to AUM's (Auburn University of Montgomery) Nursing School! Praise God, I am so relieved! I spoke with a Montgomery native today and he had nothing but great things to say about their program! I have heard many things already but to hear from another nursing student how competitive and worthwhile their program is is so reassuring!
       As of right now, I am making plans to move to Montgomery. Montgomery!? Yes, I will be moving away, permanently. However, yesterday I turned in all my application paperwork for UAB, which would also be an honor to attend! As I walked the streets of Birmingham, I began to fall in love with our city once again. I love our city and I pray for God's movement to come upon it.
       The struggles I am dealing with concerning school is this, I love my home-meaning Birmingham- and I want to experience more of the city scene. I am in love with the people of AUM because they have treated me so wonderfully and I believe a change of address would be fitting with this new chapter in my life. Two, the thought of leaving my sweet church and my wonderful friends behind is killing me. Please, pray God keeps me in Birmingham to continue to carry out His work here. However, I am coming to terms that God might want me elsewhere for the time being.
       Anyways, just wanted to give a little update since February was the last time I posted. See, school has me so stinkin' busy I can't even write a simple blog! God bless!

Thick Skin Wanted

            I am burdened. Burdened with a desire to help those in need before myself. To set aside all emotions and focus on the reality of life or death situations. The amount of stability one needs to do so is almost unimaginable. I have seen the inside of an E.R., been up close and personal with gaping wounds, and seen the pain upon the faces of those reaching out to me for help. What have I gotten myself into? Am I fit to be a health care provider? Can I with stand the hours of strenuous work and the sight of death more than any average person would see in a year? Maybe, possibly, I pray.

            I have recently had the opportunity to shadow a wonderful nurse-who also happens to be one of my best friend's mothers that I absolutely love- and from the little time that I was present I saw what a real nurse is supposed to look like. COMPASSIONATE is a perfect description of her. She truly cares for her patients and I saw that right from the start! I am so grateful to have had this experience. I learned a lot, especially about understanding the reality that things don't always go the way they should, but we as medical professions can do our best and try. I love where God is leading me in life. Working with a purpose to serve others in need is a constant reminder to stay grateful and continue to pray with humility.

             Nursing school update: I should be hearing back from AUM and possibly Troy in April. Alabama, and UAB around May, hopefully. :)

Our God is Healer.

     The words I wish to use I won't, I just cannot seem to find them.

     Two days ago I found myself speechless. Rarely am I literally speechless. I was sitting in my car, on my way to school, thinking. Thinking...an act done without words but yet so powerful. I was reflecting on the words I had been exposed to hours previously. A great man, who I consider to be another father, had been prepared for surgery to remove his re-occurring Cancer, was closed up without surgery because the Cancer had spread too much.
     
      My God is Healer. My God is Provider. My God is Comfort. My God is Giver of Life. My God is...

      My God is the One who one heals, yet the same who takes life. He determines all, not tests, scans, or even the opinions of the greatest doctors to ever live. However, he does give those men and women the knowledge to give the best care possible.

      I believe all are stuck at this moment. Waiting for an answer, looking for a sign, and hoping all turns out well. I pray for healing. I pray for strength. I pray for wisdom. I pray for one of the greatest men I have ever known to say 'I am healed'. I pray for a ending much different than most.

      Healer, show favor on Bro. Paul. Heal him physically, eradicate the Cancer from every single cell in his body. Remove the pain, remove the suffering, remove this burden from his weakened body. Heal this family who I call my own as well. Heal my family, Lord. Restore health and good news. You are the Bringer of good news, I pray so selfishly for it. Heal my own life as well, Lord, heal my wounds. Heal the drained emotions of those around looking for answers. Provide an answer, oh God, please. In all His most glorious name, Amen. 

     


    

Worry-Wart

        Tonight, I find myself sitting at a friend's apartment here in Tuscaloosa due to the fact that I have two HUGE tests tomorrow and the threat of driving in ice-infested roads tomorrow morning coming from Birmingham. In saying that, I will add this, Global Warming does not exist. I have researched this topic and it has been slowly dis-proven since Al Gore pitched his advocacy for it years ago. Now, moving forward.
        I am such a worrying type of person. On the outside, I can hold things together so well, but on the inside I worry all the time about school and nothing else in comparison. I fear failure. I fear the thought of not getting into nursing school and having to change my major to something like Art....which I like though and I even considered it a year ago, but I have just worked so hard towards this personal goal.
        Like I said, I have two tests in my hardest classes....Chemistry and Math, which I should be studying for but you know, talking about it is just so much easier than actually doing it. Seriously, Math is SO LAME. I understand the basic need for math but I will not need to know the relative max of a graph in Nursing. Now Chemistry on the other hand is a different story, it actually can be applied but it is just so hard....but exciting! I love my professor but sometimes I feel just so incompetent.
        As of today I am still waiting. For all of you that have been keeping up with my road to nursing school nothing much has changed. I am awaiting a confirmation letter from Alabama, meeting this Friday with UAB to discuss my current status with applying and last BUT NOT LEAST, I am waiting to receive an email from AUM in regards to my acceptance to the next level of admittance(which basically means I have to go in for an interview....oh joy!). I am still applying to Troy and JSU but I have yet to finish the paperwork.
       Yeah, so....as you can see I am pretty stressed right now so the natural human reaction would be to worry. However, the Bible calls us to not worry but to cast all our cares on Him, beautiful, isn't it? I will end with a Bible verse that I have used a lot lately, hope this helps you as well. God bless.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matt. 6:34

Being Ready

            As I am typing this I am sitting in Gorgas Library, freezing my buns off and pushing off Math and Chemistry homework, which both suck anyways. I have something on my mind. Life and all that it entails. More specifically, marriage. WHOA. I know, right, Emily Gill talking about marriage....CRAZY! Though not so much about me in particular but all those around me as well. When will we ever be ready, will we know? I have heard a lot here recently that no one will ever be ready for such a step in life. Yes, we can prepare financially, physically, spiritually but overall, the transition is HUGE. A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to attend a wonderful wedding; the venue was beautiful, the wedding ceremony itself was so lively and the bride was just stunning. So, as you can see, it has got me thinking, how do we simply prepare?

          Me being the person I am I have always thought that I needed to be out of college and working before I got married....hmmm, wonder where that ideal came from, dad? As time has progressed and I have come into contact with more couples and their life stories I have realized, no one story is the same, duh. So, the search for finding out when the perfect time to do such things, like getting married, is impossible. Why can't such decisions be easy and care-free? To all my fellow ladies out there, single or in a relationship, I give you this, patience. Patience for that right time if it does in fact exist. I also say this, do not settle. Do not settle for less that what you deserve.

         Now, for my personal thoughts. I think far too often people abuse the feeling of wanting to get married. I have seen dead-end relationships plenty of times and the topic of marriage always was present at some point. WHAT? People, do not date just to date! Do not treat your relationship like some measly friendship that you can peace out at anytime you want. If you do these things then how in the world could you be ready for a marriage? If we all continuously do such things then the world will be full of unhappy marriages, much like it is now. People, more so ladies, find someone good for you. Find a man, not a boy. Better yet, find a Godly man, who seeks after God's will and not his own. I can say that I am beyond blessed to have the man I have in my life and I had nothing to do with it. God knew exactly who and what we both needed and He provided. Amen.

         To sum this off-the-wall blog up I will say this, I might not be ready tonight for marriage but God knows the time and the place in which I will be prepared just enough to say 'I do'. Until that time, we all must be in God's Word, preparing ourselves individually for our future spouses, marriages, and families.

Love and Thankfuless

                Tonight, as I am preparing myself for church in the morning, I can't help but realize that tomorrow will be yet another day that I will be unable to see my sweet boyfriend. Our lives are so busy; mine with school and work and his with his job and traveling, we seem to always be rushing! However, when I think of these things in his absence I remind myself that distance truly does grow the heart fonder. I am a firmer believer in this old saying because when Jamie and I are with one another we are such kids; he really is like a best friend. I am honestly one of the most blessed women on this planet to have such a man like him. No, he might not be around 24/7 like most boyfriends, but when he is, its like he never left at all. So, in saying all of this I end with a thankful heart, a prayer for him, for us and for those around us, friends and families, thank you all for being in our lives. Jamie, I love you and I pray His will be done through the both of us, together.

              Lord, thank you for your love. Thank you for true love, through relationships with close friends, family and the relationship you have blessed to Jamie and I. Thank you for blessing me with him, how grateful I am. Thank you for your forgiveness and the forgiveness we give to one another through our relationships with people. Thank you for patience; I pray for more patience, Lord. Thank you for grace. Thank you for your unfailing mercy on us from day to day. Thank you for being perfect. Thank you. Amen.

Roll Tide to Spring 2011!

          Okay, to even begin to explain my overall excitement about this semester I must start off with a ROLL TIDE! RRROOOOOLLLLLL TTTTTIIIIIDDDDDDEEEEE!!!
          For starters, I do hate having to be up so early for a 9:30 class but may I say my Pysch. Dev. professor absolutely rocks....possibly, subject to change. I seriously laughed so hard at the comments she made about fellow friends and random stories she told pertaining to our lecture. Moving on now, oh yes, my commute from class to class.....SUCKS! I am truckin' it from one class to the next, but hey, at least I am burning some calories! Met my math prof. today as well....an absolute bore if I may add but I should have known, he is a freakin' math teacher, no offense to those who teach math, just he in particular is a boring individual. HOLY CRAP, MY POLITICS PROFESSOR IS GOD SENT. First and foremost, he looks like my former pastor, and he even talks like him as well. Super nice guy, two thumbs up! Want to know what I will be doing in that class....NOTHING! We have no exams, papers, in class assignments, homework....NOTHING. All we must do is come to class, participate in conversations, read and submit like a paragraph of opinionated work.....AMAZING! I love this man. Oh and then comes my Comp. Professor, he is AWESOME, no doubt! Honestly, to describe him and his personality the best example would be Ralphie May, the comedian, HILARIOUS! Last but not least, my sweet 'ole Chem. prof., Dr. Scheiner! This man is excellent; such an honor to be taught by such a knowledgeable man!
               Like I said in the beginning, all these things are subject to change.....however, I do believe my gut feeling is correct and that this semester is going to be awesome. Roll Tide, everyone!

War and Peace

            This past Sunday I had the opportunity to visit Church of the Highlands-Riverchase with a friend, which was a complete, unexpected blessing. However, I did in fact miss my church family back at Christ City Church VERY MUCH! See you all soon, promise! I must say, the idea of watching your pastor via satellite is weird but honestly, I felt like Pastor Chris was right there in the same sanctuary as I. The worship was great but I missed my good 'ole Fools. :) Anyways, onto why I feel pressed to write this blog; the message was God sent, exactly what I needed to hear that day and I am thankful to have been present.
            The sermon covered many books of the Bible; such as, Luke, John, James, Matthew... and as you can see from the title, the message was part of a series and this particular sermon was called, 'War and Peace'.
            Pastor Chris emphasized one verse before he gave us five points that results in 'war' between individuals and even nations.'Too long have I lived among those who hate peace. I am a man of peace; but when I speak, they are for war.' Psalms 120:6-7.
            1. Distance. Individuals who distance themselves, whether due to certain differences or opinions begin to put up walls.
            2. Walls. After walls are put up you continue to be distanced from that certain person or group of people that you refuse to be associated or 'reconciled' with.
            3. Escalation. Escalation arises after the walls have been established and when that certain 'small' incidence becomes something 'BIG' in your mind.
            4. False Beliefs. After you remain distant without any form of reconciliation you begin to think of the 'BIG' issues which causes you to have false beliefs which causes the individual to become more emotionally and even physically distant from their problem person.
            5. Hostility. Last but not least, hostility. I believed this was an outward emotion that was to be explained but it was presented as something very different. Pastor Chris described it is the condition of your soul at this point in reaching the state of 'War'. I can see that if an individual hoards these kinds of emotions due to another individual who 'are for war'(stated above in Psalms), circumstance or even on a larger scale, another nation, that one would be in a state of hostility.
            6. War. When there is war, there is evident separation. Before we go to God, settling in Him, we must go to others and settle our differences with them, bringing our 'balance back to zero'.
             As you can see, this sermon was interesting. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to the details of every point Pastor Chris presented. At the end of the service these verses were read, 'But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.James 3:14-16.
             My final thoughts and feelings on the sermon was that I felt God's reassurance for me and my life that some people exist in your life to bring you hate and cause war. No matter how much you try to move on, live life without them, they still seem to have their foot in the door and cause some form of strife among you. A HUGE point made was this, the Bible does NOT say, 'RESOLVE' but to 'RECONCILE'. Wow. I can hear my father now, 'We all just need to work things out, talk about it, resolve the issues.' Well, I knew I was always right when I told him that was impossible. We shouldn't use the Bible as an excuse to not talk to people but Reconciliation means to simply 'LET GO'. Believe me, this was AMAZING to be reassured in and knowing I was doing the best I can. Praise Jesus. My thought is this, 'why would I want to be associated with people that were predestined to cause war in my life? I will reconcile and love but I have no problem being a stranger'.Amen.

             The mission of Jesus was and is to bring peace, not war.
            

God's Provision

          Thank you, Lord, this semester is OVER! This particular Fall semester was the deciding factor if I would be able to apply to nursing school this Spring with the contending grades of my fellow applicants. Literally, this semester was the fork in the road for me. If I did not do well then I could kiss nursing school goodbye. I made it. I got the grades and all I can say is thank you. Thank you, Lord, for this major blessing. I honestly can not think of such a time in my life that I needed to trust Him more when it came to my future. In the end, like always, He pulled me through with flying colors and has given me a great chance at being accepted into school somewhere. How awesome is it that we as God's children can cast all our cares, stresses, burdens and so on on Him, because He is almighty. Thank you, Lord, for Your blessings!
          Even more great news, my boyfriend's band, Rush of Fools, have officially signed to a new record label, eOne! This is such a wonderful time for everyone because we can all see God's provision for this band coming to life. Thank you all who have prayed for the guys, it has been rough for them over these past couple of years but now doors are opening and the Lord is providing in great ways. Now, the guys are writing new, awesome songs and are preparing to have their third record finished by the end of this upcoming summer! I have heard some of the new material and it sounds great. I pray it is Lord's will for this record to explode across the states and into countries across seas! Please continue to pray for the band, I know they would greatly appreciate it!
          Well, it wasn't that long ago the first little Foolsling was born, little Miss. Story Willis and now, the second has arrived!! Welcome Mr. Collin Chesnut! He was born today around 3PM (while I was at work...crap!) and weighed 8lb 7oz! BIG BABY BOY!! :) :) I am so excited to see him soon; I love little babies now since I have started working at a daycare! Praise the Lord for little miracles. Love you Chesnut fam! Here is a picture of baby Collin!

                                        
        
                   

Favored By God

            I know that I talk about my church all the time but I honestly LOVE MY CHURCH and I hope that whoever runs across this blog will consider visiting; I promise, you will not be disappointed! Today, Christ City Church began another four week series and this one basically covers the four main characters surrounding the Christmas story: Mary, Joseph, baby Jesus and the Magi. 
            Today, David Nasser, one of our lead pastors, covered Mary's point of view/part surrounding the birth of Jesus. We covered Luke Ch. 1, vs. 26-38. Honestly, I expected to hear this passage taught like most of the other ways I had heard before, but goodness, I WAS WRONG. Within these eight verses my heart was in my throat; I actually felt the distress of Mary, a 14-16 yr. old girl, who was just told she was being FAVORED by God to have His son, Jesus Christ. 
            I bet you are wondering, 'why would Mary be distressed, she is birthing the Son of God', here is why: she is a 14-16 yr. old virgin, unmarried, having a child out of wedlock, ridicule and persecution awaits her in the coming months and she simply must have faith in God that He is going to see her through. She is literally birthing the Savior of the world, the stress upon her would probably be a little high.
            David made this very clear today: for God to find favor on His children does not mean our lives will become easier, yet they will become harder. We see that Mary knew, even at a young, for God to find favor in His children it meant a true life of servitude. Her ending response was this, ' I am the Lord's servant, may your word to me be fulfilled.' What faith Mary had, I wish we, as modern day Christians, could have faith such as that. Amen.

Adopt(ed)

            What a joyous and emotional month it has been! This past month my church, CCC, did a four week series on adoption; spiritual(vertical) and worldly(horizontal) adoption to be more specific. I was SO EXCITED to be at church every Sunday; one, I just love my church but also the idea of adoption is so moving to me. For some time now I have felt the longing to adopt a child. The thought of giving a child a better life than what it probably would live otherwise gives me so much joy. However, in saying all of this I bet you are thinking, 'what about having your own children?', and yes, I have considered that but in no way like I have adoption.
           I have had the opportunity to see up close in personal the joys of adoption. A friend of mine, Mikayla, has a cousin who adopted a little African American baby boy, she named him Cooper. Seeing pictures of their family and how happy they are to have him in their life makes me want that as well!
           This past Sunday, CCC had the privilege of having Mac Powell of Third Day and his wonderful wife, Amiee, come and speak to us about their journey through adopting 2 of their five children. I must say, it was a roller coaster just for me sitting there, listening to their struggles and joys during that time in their life. I hope one day to be in their position; telling the adoption stories and realizing the Lord has blessed me with a beautiful family, biological or not.
           However, adoption is not just a worldly/horizontal action but also a spiritual action as well. God has adopted His children. He has taken us up from a life of complete hopelessness and given us a home. He saved you and I from a worthless life and gave His son, Jesus,  so that we could be His and live forever with Him in Heaven. We were orphans and many still are in-fact, orphans. It is our duty as Christians to abide by the Word of God and in doing so we must take action. In James chapter 1, verse 27, it states: "Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." Here, God is telling His people that if we call ourselves Christians then we should act as Christ would and care for those in need, not forgetting them like the rest of world, but walking the extra miles to love them, genuinely.
            I will end with this; if anyone knows me then you know that I LOVE black kids. Something about them just makes me smile and want to hug them! Anyways, do not be surprised if one day you see me driving down the road with a car full of African babies because even though the world sees color our Father does not. Amen, Amen, Amen. May all know Him.

Where Two or More are Gathered

       One word describes my night, blessed. My Bible study group met for the second time tonight and I always expect something amazing to happen. Whether it be a movement I felt throughout the night from God, reassuring me that I am His daughter and I am loved or the simple fact that I am in the presence of fellow believers, worshiping freely in someone's home without the worry of being persecuted. Tonight's main focus was on how we view ourselves, negatively and positively. Of course there were times when everyone in the room stated what they saw as good and bad about themselves and I will be honest, I am guilty of seeing far more bad than good. WHY? We as humans living in a world that focuses on outer beauty forget that even though a person maybe considered 'beautiful' their personality and heart may be far from good. It is sad but we focus too much on what the world sees as beautiful instead of what God sees as beautiful and just. If all in this world is going perish one day, except for the Truth, then why are we allowing false ideals, such as the worldly standard of beauty, control our lives? Like I said, I AM SO GUILTY! Questions from tonight:
         1. What are some traits you see to be ugly about yourself? 
Of course I was tense when the group was asked this question but I knew exactly what I felt to be ugly about me. 'My teeth and my weight...' Yep, those are my main issues. Also, I didn't say this but the thought of failing in life, whether it be in school or at a job, really bothers me. I will study for hours just because I am fearful that my brain will somehow quit on me or something...
         2. What are some traits you see to be beautiful about yourself?
This one was easy for me, sort of. I didn't even think about any physical traits (and all that goes back to the self-esteem issue we talked about tonight as well) but the one thing that came to mind automatically was my drive; my enormous compassion and love for the forgotten, the lost, the abandoned, the orphaned, my heart longs to see those long for Him. 


        A few versus discussed tonight were as followed:
                -Isaiah 43:4
                -Deuteronomy 32:10
                -Colossians 1:12
                -Romans 8:37


Lord, forgive me for hating me sometimes. Forgive me for not appreciating your work of art in me. Forgive me for worrying too much about what the world thinks and not about what you think. Forgive me for being sinful. Thank you for grace. Thank you for your love and acceptance of my stains. I love you. Amen.


        

The King's Daughter

         I am going to be very honest, I am flawed. I sometimes feel as if I am playing a role as a Christian but not actually living out the will of God for me, as His daughter. Recently I joined a Bible study at my church, Christ City Church of Birmingham, and I have been blessed already! I absolutely LOVE my church and even from the beginning I have seen friendships form and love grow between our church family and the people in our church's community.
         Two weeks ago I was asked to join a Bible study covering the book of Esther. The study is called, "The King's Daughter" by Diana Hagee. I was very excited to join to group, one because I wanted to become more involved with my church but also I really wanted to study the Word of God with my fellow sisters in Christ. Just f.y.i., the small group of ladies I am with are simply amazing. I love them, a lot! 
        As I had more questions upon being asked to join the study I soon realized the study was on Esther. If you know anything on Esther then you know it basically describes her preparation with one night with the King. She spends a year preparing herself in what is called the "bridal chamber" stage. While this Bible study is not a year long nor solely based on physical preparation it does open its reader's eyes to how they view themselves and how God views them as well.
       Two weeks ago our group met for the first time. Our Bible study was very diversified. We all came from different walks of life and I simply loved that. We were all there for the same reason, to study God's word and to simply love one another through fellowship. As we started through the first chapter I heard stories and words of advice from others around me, I was so over-whelmed with honor to even be in the presence of such WONDERFUL women.
      This coming week we will be reviewing chapter two, I am so excited; not only to be rejoined with my Bible study girls but also to be in the presence of those with similar desires as myself, to become closer to God and to realize that we are daughters of the King. The King of Kings, the Lord of Lords.

   Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for Your true love. Thank you for my church family. Thank you for loving me even through my times of disobedience. I pray that your will be done through our church and that all may know You. Amen.